Christmas Party Gone Wrong
by cardiffictionlocked1895
Summary: Never trust Orion with hosting parties. Enough said. Takes place after The Time Paradox, but before The Atlantis Complex. Crackfic. AU. One-shot. Hartemis, OrionxOC. Standalone.


_A/N: My friend and I both came up with the idea for this fic. Orion is an actual person out of Artemis's body. Ivy is Holly's split personality, also in her own body. If that makes any sense. I don't own anything but my OC. _

Christmas Party Gone Wrong

It all started when Orion decided he couldn't live without a Christmas party.

"What did you just say?!" Artemis was still shell shocked moments after hearing the news for the first time.

"I said, I'm having a Christmas party, you know, 'cause it's the holidays and all, and, unlike you, I feel like being festive." Orion was oblivious to his alter ego's rage.

"So let me get this straight, since apparently Arty can't," Holly said slowly, "you and Ivy are hosting a party in the off-limits part of Fowl Manor, the part that could collapse at any moment, and you're inviting everyone you know, which is really people you only know from Facebook and Twitter. So basically, you're forcing us to come and 'celebrate' the holidays with you and your 'wife' in a death trap with your 'friends' who, for all we know, could be murderers."

"Basically." Orion shrugged.

"Wow, you really are Artemis's opposite."

"I take that as a compliment."

"You sound like Beckett." She smirked.

"You don't have to be offensive!"

"Okay, now he realizes I'm insulting him." Holly rolled her eyes.

"That wasn't the first insult?"

"No, you idiot, it was-"

"Shut up, both of you!" Artemis suddenly shouted. Holly and Orion jumped in shock. "I have a major headache coming on, and this is definitely not helping it." He turned to Orion. "When is this exactly?"

Orion thought for a moment. "Uh...tonight?"

"He's officially insane." Artemis groaned. "This just makes my day. Well, I guess it IS Christmas Eve. But, still, this whole thing was uncalled for."

"Sorry."

"Apology not accepted."

"Ivy and I had to seize the moment... I mean, when are we going to get another chance like this?"

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." Orion grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, like that was going to work out for you." He sighed. "Oh well. What's done is done, I guess. We'll just have to make the most of it," He remarked just as Butler came into the room. He would later regret saying that on many different levels.

Four hours later, Fowl Manor's abandoned corridor had been completely covered in Christmas decorations. Every banister was decorated with holly (the irony), and mistletoe dangled from every chandler. Holly counted twenty Christmas trees. The smell of pine was overwhelming.

"Are you ready for this, Holly?"

She was wearing a red strapless dress. He was wearing his usual suit, with a green tie. As Artemis stepped into the room, the two 'friends' studied the other for no other reason to avoid eye contact. Things had been...different between them lately, ever since Holly kissed Arty. They both knew they shouldn't be in love, but Artemis had always defined extraordinary.

Then Orion walked in wearing a white suit with the brightest red bow either of them had ever seen, looking incredibly dorky. The wall of awkwardness between them crumbles as they burst out laughing.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Holly muttered, smiling.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Orion shouted, blind to their laughter.

"Merry Christmas," Artemis and Holly said together with half the excitement.

"Let's get this party started! Okay, I manage to invite some fairies as while as random people I met on Twitter and Facebook. Arty-"

"Don't call me that."

"Fine, Timmy. As I was saying-"

"Don't even think about calling me that either."

"C'mon! Artemis is such a mouthful! It's got, like, three syllables! Well, I guess it's not THAT long..." He trailed off as Artemis fixed him with a glare that could kill. "Anyway, since there are fairies, you probably wondering about your parents. Don't, because I can tell you they're asleep, and they'll be asleep for a while."

"You drugged them, didn't you?" Artemis looked surprisingly calm.

"Well, yeah."

"Oddly enough, you actually did the same thing I would do."

Orion sighed in relief. "Good, cause I thought you might kill me. So, quick question, are you guys going as a couple, or single?"

They glanced at each other. They both know immediately what they were going to say, but it was Artemis who said it. "Couple."

For once, Orion didn't give them crap about it as they followed him through the door to the main hall to greet guests.

"What the heck?" Three hours later, all human guests were gone, but the party wasn't even close to winding down. As Artemis stared into the closet that he opened to stuff some decorations into that had gotten knocked down and trampled, he thought he might be hallucinating. He hoped his was. Ivy and Orion were in the closet, making out like there was no tomorrow. He quickly shut the door.

"What is it?" Holly appeared behind him in the hallway.

"Nothing. Just Orion being odd."

She looked so pretty, standing there next to him in the candlelight, he couldn't help himself. He kissed her. To his intense surprise, she didn't pull away. Finally he leaned away and they stood there for a moment before Juliet came in the front door carrying ten huge Cokes.

Artemis remembered just flashes of what happened over the next few hours. Someone found a box of random costumes and things got really awkward after that. But they had too much sugar/caffeine to recall most of it. It wasn't until they actually crowded around Artemis's computer to look at all the photos Grub had took that all the embarrassing secrets were revealed.

"Ok, this first pic's of Orion...why are you wearing a My Little Pony costume?! And here's another one of him...showing off a Pinky Pie tattoo while dancing like a spastic ballerina. Okay then." Foaly was scrolling through the shots.

Orion was indifferent. "Yeah, and? We all did some pretty weird things last night."

Foaly glanced back at the screen. "Here's one of Julius-"

"That's photo shopped! That is so photo shopped!"

"What, you would never wear a leotard in public when you weren't on a sugar high?"

"No! Who took these pictures?!"

All heads turned to look at Grub. "Please don't kill me," he muttered.

"Hey, I found one of Holly and Artemis dressed like surfers...nice one of you two making out."

"Shut up," Holly's face was a dangerous shade of red.

Suddenly Foaly's hand flew up the cover the next picture. "Nothing to see here!"

Root pulled it off the screen. "Foaly, can I ask why you're wearing a wig and a mustache? And oh my gosh, please tell me you're not actually yodeling!"

Slowly they made their way through the rest, snickering. It just got worse when they reached the video.

"Check it out, Grub made a video." Foaly clicked the play button. "Um...lovely dress, Orion. And, of course, there's a nice long clip of Artemis making out with Holly...Holly, where the heck did you get the wedding dress?"

She blushed again and shrugged. "I honestly have no idea."

"Here's Arty again- wearing a lamb costume and singing the Lamby Lamby song*. Am I the only person here who just puked inside their mouth?"

"That's...that's not me..." Artemis seemed at a loss for words. "That's Orion!"

Foaly smirked. "Likely story, Mud Boy."

"No, really! I would never do something like that of my own free will-"

"Sure you wouldn't. And seriously, Orion?"

"The cameras love me! Want can I say?"

Foaly snorted. "Well, they don't love your butt in super skinny jeans- be honest here, how the heck did you fit into those?"

Finally, they reached the end of the video. The last scene was of Butler holding mistletoe over Holly and Artemis's heads. Looking pained, they kissed in the midst of Butler's laughter.

Artemis thought the mortification was over when all the guest finally left. That was before his parents found the video.

_*A reference to Gravity Falls. If you don't get it, you don't get it._


End file.
